Never Enough Time...
People say this frequently. I know I do, at least once a week.
I make all these plans, schedule things out, try to structure all my to-dos, and it's just never enough. It constantly feels like I'm disappointing someone around me.
Whether my mom drives out two hours to sit with me at an event, or my husband sacrifices our time together for hours of preparation for an event or art call, or both of them helping me set up and tear down. Not selling things breaks my heart, not because I don't think I'll figure it out eventually, but because I feel like I'm disappointing them repeatedly.
Every time we do an event or display my art, I try to think: progress > perfection, but it's hard.
I try to arrange my time so my family is my priority.
They're a massive part of my inspiration for everything I sketch, paint, and do. They support me in different ways, and it gets exhausting not knowing when things will be enough to make them proud. They say they're proud, but I still feel like I need to prove myself more to be worthy of that...
This week I missed two art calls: One for MCA and another for our pop-up pet show at Rainbow Springs Art Gallery (RSA) on Monday, 1/26. For the MCA one, I needed to sketch and paint. For the RSA one, I had the painting, it was hung, all I needed to do was drop it off, but I couldn't. I had to attend a board meeting on Thursday, and in the rush of getting out of work to run over, I forgot to take it with me. Then Friday came around, and I had to prep for the event on Saturday. Woke up at 2:30 am Saturday to prepare and then spend all day with the event. Spent Sunday with my mom after she stayed over after the long drive. Finally, on Monday, I had a glasses appointment I had to attend, so by the time I finished... The gallery was closed, and a deadline was missed. 😿
I'd already had to come to terms with the MCA art call not even starting, but I was sad I couldn't take the RSA one, when I was so close. Technically, I could have probably rushed to finish the MCA one, after I got home on Sunday, but I wanted to spend time with my husband for all he does to support me.
Sure, it could have been a sacrifice I made, but it just didn't feel right. It's weird, I know, to a lot of people there's this idea of "hustle, hustle, hustle," but then at what point do you stop and enjoy the life you've built? As a perfectionist, I know that if I become a workaholic with my art, I'll lose a piece of myself: my connection with my family.
So yes, while I will probably keep complaining about always running out of time, I'll always choose spending time with them over what might get me one step closer to my artistic goals.
You never know how much time you have, and I don't want to spend my life running. I want to enjoy the peace and love that comes with living... and hopefully inspire others to see the magic in everyday life. 💖
Pictures from the Tuscawilla event in Ocala:
